The other night I broke off a good piece of one of my teeth while scarfing some fun sized Hershey’s bars I bought on clearance at Toys R Us. Nothing FUN about that shit, by the way. Normally I chew very cautiously because I know I’ve got some weak-ass teeth. But I was high. The greatest part was I left a note for myself to read the following morning.
Earlier that evening, I ran into a friend from middle school. He’s really successful, has a big house, drives a nice car, he married his high school sweetheart, and he was giving my other friend advice on where to travel in Europe. He was telling me about his work and we somehow got into the subject of saving for retirement.
Him: At your age you should really take everything in that rollover 401k and put it into a Roth IRA.
Me: Yeah, I meant to do that like a year ago but I’m just super lazy. I’ve been saving a lot though, just not contributing to anything meaningful.
Him: You’re probably getting, what, 0.75% interest? Yeah, the worst thing you can do with your money is put it in a savings account. Wait, unless you’re saving for real estate. Are you?
*me thinking* The toilet in my apartment leaks whenever you have the water running so I’ve been peeing into the sink for like a week now.
Me: Oh I’ve totally thought about real estate.
I mean, this was mere hours before I broke one of my teeth off on some Toys R Us clearance candy bars. So I guess you could say there’s, like, a big gap in maturity there.