In Ur Drems

Dreaming of your teeth falling out is fairly common.  According to my in-depth research, it means you’re self-conscious about your appearance.  Or you’re worried about your health.  Or some other stuff depending on which article on the first page of Google you skim upon waking up from one of these nightmares.  Personally, I have some jacked up, broken teeth, so these dreams hit a little closer to home than ones where I’m falling, showing up to school naked, or being stung to death by bees (…you guys have that dream too sometimes, don’t you? No? Just me?).

Earlier this week I had one of the most vivid “teeth falling out” dreams I’ve ever had.  Being self-conscious about my teeth often leads to feelings of being suicidal. The thought process there is “I don’t have insurance, and if I can’t chew pizza, that’s it for me.  I’m out.”  So, obviously I’m being facetious.  In the dream though, I had severe depression and felt truly helpless, as oppose to low-level, pizza-centric-Millenial helpless.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t wake up screaming, but the very end of the dream did have somebody screaming in agony.  The troubling part is I don’t know if it was Toothless Vince or some other nameless, faceless presence in my dream.

To me, something that’s as hilarious as it is pathetic (two closely related qualities in my life) is that the last bad dream I’d had was about a camera.  A few weeks ago, I wrote an entry about being happy with what you have and not wasting money on things you don’t really need.  Well, about two days later I bought a new camera.  (Note to readers, never take anything I say seriously, I guess.)  In my defense, I found a beautiful Nikon 35ti and was able to buy it for about half the typical asking price.  Soon after I ordered it, I had a dream that it showed up malfunctioning. Some people have dreams about loved ones being hurt, a child being born with horrible birth defects (I couldn’t find that scene from The Fly to link to, sorry), or other genuinely traumatic events.  I dream about beautiful cameras not working.

The day I woke up from this ridiculous dream, the camera showed up at my House.  It was beautiful.  Cosmetically, it was flawless.  Ergonomically, it was pretty spiffy.  Walking around town shooting photos with it was a dream.  I would say it was easily the coolest camera I’ve ever used, even if it wasn’t necessarily the most capable.  In my excitement to load it and take it out shooting, I didn’t really pay attention to the annoying grinding sound it had a tendency to make.  I just assumed she was a raging alcoholic!  So what she’s a little loud, we all have our faults!  At the end of the first roll, I finally started to take notice though.  With the camera unloaded, I noticed that the aperture wasn’t opening properly, and that the shutter wasn’t opening and closing as it should have been.  Suddenly that quirky grinding noise hit my ears not unlike the death rattle of a small child…

Okay, I’m being dramatic.  But still, listen to this!

How did I not notice this camera should not have sounded like this?  Was I so blinded by how beautiful and downright fun it was that I honestly didn’t notice it wasn’t actually performing correctly?  What a tit.  I returned it for a full refund.  I’m still out $9 for return shipping and a roll of really nice film (okay, it was Fuji Superia, but it’s the principle, Smokey!).  The lesson here is.. I don’t know.  Don’t trust people even if they have perfect eBay feedback.  No, that can’t be the lesson, because I have perfect eBay feedback.  Anyway, I guess I can go back to dreaming about being stung to death by bees now.

Quick question: The seller described this camera as working without issue… does this guy owe me money for return shipping since he was blatantly lying? What do you think?

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